This blog is for every woman who’s ever been dismissed, disbelieved, or just plain DONE with the BS around menopause. You are not alone, and you are not losing your mind.
⚠️ Pelvic Floor Warning ⚠️
This blog contains truth bombs, public outbursts of “hell yes!”, and language so raw it could induce a hot flush. Cross your legs, grab a fan, and proceed at your own risk.
Welcome to the most hormonally-charged, sweat-drenched, rage-sparked, laugh-so-hard-you-sneeze-pee stage of life: menopause.
And let’s clear something up before we even start; we’ve waded through enough steaming hot 💩 in this lifetime. The only thing allowed to steam now is us, mid-hot flush, radiating enough heat to power a small country, with hair stuck to our necks like a clingy ex who still texts ‘u up?’ at 2am.
If you don’t want to get burned, here’s a tip: don’t mess with a menopausal woman. Our patience is thinner than our eyebrows, our tolerance is zero (like our libido), and our inner peace is held together with wine and a fan.
We’ve bled, birthed, buried, battled and now we’re in our villain origin story era.
It’s not a gentle fade into old age, dear ones. It’s a Molotov cocktail of biology and betrayal. One minute we’re fine. The next, we’re sobbing over a video of a chimpanzee hugging his pet cat on Instagram, and then rage-cleaning the linen cupboard at midnight because someone dared to push one of our hormonal landmine buttons.
We’re living in a body that’s rewriting the rules without giving us the damn memo.
It’s not all doom and gloom, we finally learn to stand up for ourselves and rid our world of things that seriously piss us off:
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Disrespect
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Diets
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Underwire Bras
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Small talk at school pickups
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Unsolicited opinions from Chad in accounting
We. Are. Done.
Because this isn’t just a phase, it’s a superpower awakening. A hormonal glow-up wrapped in sweat, chin hairs, and generational clarity.
This is your survival guide, especially if you’re a partner, colleague, friend, child, or that clueless bystander at Coles who just told us to “smile.”
Learn what to say (and more importantly, what NOT to say), and maybe, just maybe, you’ll save your relationship, your dignity, and your right to touch the thermostat ever again.
I’m here, fanning myself in solidarity because, as Bill Pullman’s character in ‘Independence Day’ said,
“We will not go quietly into the night!”
Menopause marks one single, momentous day, exactly 12 months since our last period. That’s right. It’s not just a symptom checklist, darling...it’s our Independence Day!
Cue the hot flushes. Cue the fans. Cue la révolution!
This isn’t a midlife crisis, it’s a midlife uprising, and we sweat-soaked, swearing MOFO’s are leading the charge!
The Real Symptoms of Menopause (And Why You’re Not Imagining Any of It)
If one more person tells us menopause is just a bit of sweating and a missed period, we might start swinging, and not in the fun way.
Let’s normalise the full experience, not just the hot flashes and mood swings. There are 34+ recognised symptoms, and most women experience a mash-up remix of them. You’re not crazy. You’re hormonally heroic.
✅ Tick, Tick, Boom!
Just for fun, go ahead and read through the list below and tick every symptom you’re experiencing. Then hand it to your partner, kids or smug boss who thinks “menopause is just a few hot flashes” and let them marvel at your badassery.
Because surviving this hormonal hellscape deserves a gold medal, or at the very least, some bloody respect, space, and chocolate.
Emotional & Mental Mayhem
Because menopause doesn’t just mess with your body – it hijacks your head, too.
🧠 Brain fog … what was I just thinking?
🤬 Mood swings that would send Thanos running for cover
🥹 Crying over dog videos … any animal video … anything really
😱 Anxiety spikes and existential dread for no reason
🫥 Depression or sudden feelings of hopelessness
📢 Sensitivity to sound or ringing in the ears; AKA Tinnitus
💡 Light sensitivity
Sleep & Energy Chaos
Insomnia, night sweats, and the kind of fatigue that feels cellular.
📱 Broken sleep or the 3am wide-awake-playing-Candy-Crush situation
🥱 Fatigue that feels like your bones are tired
🕙 Night sweats that soak the sheets and feed our insomnia. Vicious circle.
Temperature & Sweat Shenanigans
Hot, cold, drenched; pick a lane, hormones.
🥵 Hot flashes that hit out of nowhere, like your body’s gone nuclear
🥶 Cold flashes like you’ve just been dropped in the Arctic tundra
😰 Excessive sweating during the day, no workout required
Hormonal Hijinks
The invisible chaos courtesy of your hormonal demolition team.
📆 Irregular periods. Surprise! Or, nothing for six months. It’s menstrual roulette.
🧬 Histamine intolerance: contained in the very things we want to gorge on, like wine, beer and cheese
🙅🏼♀️ Breast pain or tenderness: we’ve only dealt with this most of our adult life, why stop now?
😟 Weight gain, especially around the middle
😣 Migraines or hormonal headaches
💓 Heart palpitations like a tiny EDM festival in your chest
Body Betrayals
Also brought to you by the same hormonal demolition team. They’re overachievers.
🦴 Increased risk of osteoporosis
🚽 Bladder issues: hello, sneeze-pee combo
🌵 Vaginal dryness or irritation: like your own personal Sahara
😳 Painful sex or low libido: cue tumbleweeds rolling through a hot, dusty ghost town and sad violin music
🪮 Hair thinning or rogue chin hairs: invest in good pair of tweezers
👓 Changes in vision
💅🏼 Dry skin and brittle nails
🥴 Dizziness
🦵🏼 Joint pain or muscle aches
⚡ Tingling or electric shocks
👃🏼 Body odour changes, even with deodorant
🔥 Burning mouth syndrome that isn’t just because of spicy food
😩 Itchy skin or crawling sensations
👄 Gum issues or dry mouth
Gut & Appetite Oddities
Your digestive system joins the chaos like a rebellious teen.
🤢 Nausea
🍞 Food intolerances you never had before
🍫 Cravings that would scare a teenage boy
💩 Digestive issues and bloating (because let’s add more centimetres to our waist)
Concentration & Cognitive Clunks
When your brain goes into airplane mode mid-sentence.
😬 Forgetfulness
🙃 Inability to focus
🤔 Feeling mentally “out of it”
🖊️ How many did you tick?
🥇 That’s your warrior score.
👀 Now show your family. Maybe they’ll finally stop asking, “Why are you so moody?”
The list goes on, and yet, through it all, we still show up for our people, for our jobs, for our own damn selves. Because that’s what we do.
Not every woman gets every symptom, but every woman deserves to know she’s not crazy for ticking them off like a hormonal bingo card.
Because this isn’t just a stage of life.
It’s a hormonal revolution, and we’ve been living it, mostly in silence.
Not anymore.
🚫 What Not to Say (If You Value Your Life)
“Are you sure it’s menopause? Maybe it’s just PMS?”
PMS? Sweetheart, PMS was a two-day drama, maybe two weeks if life really hated us. Menopause? Oh, that’s the full-blown headline act. The hormonal main event. It’s the Taylor Swift Eras Tour of pain: mood swings, costume changes, spontaneous rage ballads, and a sold-out stadium of emotional flashbacks that has us crying into our coffee.
“You’re too young for menopause.”
Oh we know! Tell that to our ovaries, those flaky bitches packed up and left without so much as a goodbye note. Perimenopause can start while you’re still getting carded by Dick, the spotty teen at Dan Murphy’s. “You don’t look menopausal”? Amazing. Thanks for the unsolicited feedback. We can be hot and hormonally imploding at the same damn time. Dick.
“My uncle went through something like this.”
Oh, your uncle was born a woman with ovaries? Did he develop chin hairs overnight, rage-cry because the dog wouldn’t eat his dinner, scream into a pillow because someone breathed too loudly, and contemplate arson when the Wi-Fi dropped out? No? Then I kindly suggest you sit TFD.
“It can’t be that bad.”
Oh honey. I know you did NOT just say that. Should you be ever so privileged to reach this sacred, unfiltered, hormone-fuelled stage of womanhood, may you remember what you just said, and may someone extend you more mercy than I’m about to. Because grace only goes so far, darling, and you just used up your quota.
“Someone’s moody today!”
Oh sweetheart, dear clueless mi amor. If only moody covered it.
We’re in the middle of a full-blown biological uprising while still doing laundry, caring for others, working full-time, showing up for friends and pretending we’re fine. All while silently plotting the demise of whoever put an empty ice cream tub in the freezer.
This isn’t a phase. It’s the evolution. We’re not “moody”, we’re magnificent, molten, and one minor inconvenience away from going full Thelma & Louise, cliff and all.
🥵 Real-Life Peri & Meno Symptoms
Here’s what we’re working with:
- Hot flushes. Just thinking about a hot flush sets one off like a hormonal booby trap. One second we’re fine, the next we’re yanking off layers like we’re in a strip show no one asked for, praying we don’t get arrested for public indecency.
- Every time we stand up, it sounds like a toddler got loose with a sheet of bubble wrap. Knees pop, hips creek, and back cracks; the unofficial soundtrack of Menopause: The Musical, with a few extra sound effects thrown in for free.
- Memory glitches that make us question reality:
“Wait. Did I take my vitamins or did I dream it while mentally reorganising the pantry?” - We’re sweating enough to irrigate a small farm, or at least keep Bunnings’ entire succulent aisle alive. No amount of bamboo cooling fabric can save us, we’ve tried.
- Apparently, our hormones decided it was time for a little throwback, so now we’re rocking teen acne at 45 like it’s a f*cking nostalgia tour. Puberty called, it wants its pimples back.
- Down there’s gone from a tropical vacation to the Sahara overnight; dry, cranky, and begging for a mojito. But hey, if anyone can rock the desert, it’s us, because dryness is just the universe’s way of saying, ‘Girl, you’re too hot to handle!
🐦🔥 We’re Not Broken, We’re Rebuilding
Society tells us menopause is a slow fade to irrelevance.
Excuse. Me. WTAF?
We’re not fading, we’re FLARING UP. Literally and figuratively.
Not with shame, but with swagger. With confidence forged in fire. With a “take-no-BS” attitude that didn’t arrive overnight, it was earned, built one heartbreak, one triumph, one invisible labour at a time.
You don’t get to this age without scars.
Without laughter lines that hold entire chapters of your story.
Without developing a sixth sense so sharp, you can smell crap coming before the sentence even starts.
We’ve been the silent sponges soaking up knowledge, reading the room, holding space.
We learned early to keep things running while others took the credit.
We sat through the mansplaining, nodding politely while internally solving the problem and mentally writing the shopping list like the multitasking goddesses we are.
We kept a level head when the world needed calm.
We’ve juggled crises, coddled egos, and managed household chaos like unpaid CEOs of everyone’s emotional BS, and nobody even thought to say thank you.
But now?
Now we’re done being the background character in someone else’s life story.
We’ve stopped apologising.
We carry fans in our handbags because we know how to handle the heat.
We say “no” without guilt.
We walk into rooms like we own the damn place, because we do.
Because we built it.
This stage of life isn’t our decline.
It’s our rise.
With clearer boundaries, louder laughter, deeper friendships, and absolutely no tolerance for uncomfortable bras or shoes that hurt our feet.
We’re not broken.
We’re rebuilding.
And the new foundation? It’s unshakable.
🌏 Cultures That Actually Get It
In Japan, menopause is called “konenki”; the renewal years. Not a decline. A sacred rebirth.
In Native American cultures, menopausal women are the Truth Tellers; the wise ones, the ones you don’t mess with.
In ancient societies all over the world, post-menopausal women were the wisdom keepers, the spiritual leaders, the final bosses of life’s journey. The ones with the vision, the power, and the authority to guide the tribe.
And here in the West?
We get pain-minimising, gaslighty little zingers like:
“Well, if you’ve got it, you’ve got it.” True statement from a doctor.
Seriously? That’s not medicine. That’s malpractice with a side of patriarchy.
Well, guess what?
We’re done waiting for society to catch up.
We’re reclaiming our power, rewriting the narrative, and walking back onto the throne like the queens we’ve always been.
We. Deserve. Better.
🚫 Share These Do’s and Don’ts With the Clueless Human in Your Life (So They Don’t End Up on Your Menopause Hit List)
This is your cheat sheet for surviving us, and maybe even being useful.
If you’re a partner
❌ DO NOT ask, “Where are my socks?”
This will be met with a side-eye and stare so intense, Medusa herself would turn to stone.
If you’ve already made this rookie mistake, here’s your escape plan: avoid eye contact, bow your head in shame, and retreat silently but quickly, into another room. Stay there. Overnight if necessary. Bring snacks. Bring water. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t come out until you are summoned.
✅ DO say, “I’ve folded and put away the washing and made you lunch. Would you like it now while watching your favourite show?”
Congratulations. You may have just unlocked immortality. Or at the very least, a warm smile and the absence of flying objects.
❌ DO NOT ask, “Are you getting your period or something?”
Bold of you to speak that sentence and expect a positive comeback. You’re not just poking the bear, you’re running at it naked, covered in honey, yelling insults.
✅ DO say, “Hey, can I do anything that would help take the load off today?”
Now that’s how you survive. Possibly even get lucky. No promises, but at least you won’t be hexed.
❌ DO NOT say, “You look tired.”
What we hear: “You look like crap!”
We are tired. Bone-deep, soul-weary, insomnia-fuelled, hormone-flipped exhaustion. And even in our exhaustion, we will summon the strength to let you know how we feel about it.
✅ DO say, “You’re amazing, how can I help you feel more rested today?”
A+ effort. Gold star. Keep it up.
❌ DO NOT ask, “It’s hot in here, or is it just you?”
It’s not a pickup line. It’s not funny. And yes, it is us, melting from the inside out like a bloody lava cake.
✅ DO say, “Want me to open a window, grab your fan, or get you a cold drink?”
That right there? Sexy!
❌ DO NOT say, “It’s probably just in your head.”
Oh, you mean the same head currently full of brain fog, migraines, intrusive thoughts, and the weight of carrying this family’s entire emotional load?
✅ DO say, “I believe you. This sounds tough and I’m here for whatever you need.”
That sound you just heard? Our icy menopausal heart softening a little.
❌ DO NOT say, “You’ve been really emotional lately.”
Really? You want to open that can of worms?
✅ DO say, “You’ve been dealing with a lot. I’m proud of how strong you are.”
And just like that… you’re not trash. You’re a legend.
❌ DO NOT say, “Maybe you should exercise more or try cutting carbs?”
Oh, so you’ve always wanted to star in your own murder documentary?
✅ DO say, “How about we go for a walk together, or I cook you something nourishing?”
Supportive and snack-offering? Get over here, you beautiful unicorn.
❌ DO NOT say, “It can’t be that bad.”
Again, do you have a death wish?
✅ DO say, “I’ll never fully understand it, but I respect what you’re going through.”
Damn. You’re learning. You might even get to stay.
If you’re a teenager
❌ DO NOT say, “Hey Mum, you look tired.”
She knows. Her face knows. The mirror knows. Say it again and find out what fear really feels like.
✅ DO say, “You look strong today, Mum. It’s nice."
Then go do the dishes without being asked. This will earn you major brownie points.
If you’re a colleague
❌ DO NOT book a meeting in a tiny glass room with broken air con and the lighting of a CSI interrogation.
✅ DO bring snacks, stay in your lane, and witness greatness, because we’re showing up anyway, sweat armpits, chin hairs and all.
If you’re a bystander:
❌ DO NOT say, “Smile, it can’t be that bad.”
✅ DO run. Just run like demon dogs from hell are chasing you like you’re their first meal after a long famine.
Perimenopause & Menopause Approved Statements (AKA how not to get roasted alive by a hormonal goddess)
These short and sweet phrases might prevent a “Menopocalypse”. Use liberally and often.
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“You’re not invisible. I see you.”
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“You’re doing bloody brilliantly.”
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“This is a lot. How can I help?”
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“Your power is rising.”
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“Want wine or a nap?” (Trick question. The answer is both.)
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“You’re ruling this like a damn queen.” 👑
One good sentence at the right moment? That’s allyship. That’s love. That’s how you don’t end up on the Menopause Hit List.
🎤 Final Truth Bomb
We Are Still:
💪🏼 Strong
😘 Sexy
🤓 Smart
🐦🔥 Savage
🔥 Unapologetically powerful
We are women who’ve seen some sh*t, cleaned it up, raised it, fed it, buried it, laughed at it, and now?
We’re done being polite about it.
This isn’t the beginning of the end, it’s the end of giving a single, solitary 💩 about anyone else’s expectations.
This is our rise.
Hotter than ever (literally and figuratively).
Wiser. Louder. Funnier. Freer.
Unfiltered. Untamed.
UNMESSWITHABLE.
If you want the perfect example of unmesswithable, watch this clip from Grace and Frankie, Season 5, Episode 12. The writers absolutely nailed it, they deserve ALL the awards for this hilarious and brutally honest masterpiece. Pure bloody brilliance.
Next time someone asks, “Are you okay?” flash that smile and say,
“Honey, I’m menopausal. Hotter, sassier, and downright f*cking magnificent.”
🩵 Share this blog with your children, your friends, your GP, your boss, or anyone who still thinks menopause is just a “women’s issue.” It’s a human issue, and this is how we change the bloody narrative.
🩵 Want trusted info and real support on your menopause journey? You’re not alone and you don’t have to do this in silence.
🩵 Check out these trusted resources for science-backed facts, community, and expert advice:
TL;DR:
This blog is your brutally honest, laugh-out-loud guide to menopause, the real symptoms, the science behind them, and the absolute worst things you can say to a woman going through it. Menopause isn’t some quiet exit; it’s a full-on hormonal revolution that rewires your body, mind, and soul. We’re talking hot flushes, mood swings, memory glitches, and unexpected rage moments, and yes, it’s as intense as it sounds.
If you want to survive a menopausal woman without ending up on her “hit list,” learn what to say, what to never say, and how to show up with empathy and sass. Because menopause isn’t the end, it’s the ignition switch to a hotter, wiser, louder, and unapologetically unmesswithable version of ourselves. We’re not losing it; we’re levelling up, and honey, we’re fkg magnificent.
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